I Found That Love Was More
by Astria07
Summary: Jude has been deported, Lucy regretful about ending their relationship starts to rely on prescription drugs to ease her pain, but she soon realizes the only cure to her pain is Jude. Can Max help them find each other again? Across The Universe CHAPTER 5 U
1. The Letter

**Authors Note-**

_This is going to be my first Multi Chapter Across The Universe Fanfiction. It takes place right after Jude goes back to England in ATU, and how Lucy, Max, and everyone around them is affected by their friend leaving, or in Lucy's case, love. _

_It is a bit sad, but it will get a lot more happy and interesting with chapters to come, please give it a chance! It's not like there are 589865 other ATU Fanfics to read on this site anyway! Lol ) _

_PS- I have no idea if Valium (Drug) was around in the 60's, I'm pretty sure it was though, just don't get all mad if it wasn't!_

I Found That Love Was More

I don't need it.

I don't need it.

I _really _don't need it.

I fucking need it.

Thoughts of guilt, longing, and intoxication filled Lucy's mind.

As much as she tried to fight the addiction, she simply could not.

She reached for the pill vile labeled 'Valium' and popped two tablets into her mouth.

I really don't need this, I need Jude.

Lucy felt the affects of the Valium starting to take over her small form. Her head fell on the edge of her pillow, barely missing the rock hard wood floor.

It was another one of those night, this had become her daily routine ever since Jude and she had split up. The pang of guilt for getting Jude deported, plus the fact that SHE had walked out on him, equaled a neverending circle of regret.

Max lightly closed the front door as he noticed Lucy fast asleep on the couch. He sighed when his eyes caught sight of the bottled vodka and the tranquilizers in a mess on the table. Staring at her breathing, he noticed she was slightly shivering, Max gathered a few other blankets from the linen closet and spread them out over Lucy's almost comatose like body.

He took a seat at the kitchen table, after finding a peice of loose leaf paper, and a pencil. Max began to write, everything that had been going on with him and around him in the last two months was written in this letter.

_Jude, _

_It isn't the same here without you buddy, We all miss you, especially Lucy,_

_I am worried about her Jude. _

_My mother forced her to visit some crazy whackjob therapist for her anxiety and depression problems,_

_and he has been prescribing her these pills, addicting pills. _

_I haven't seen her leave the house in months,_

_she has lost weight, hasn't found a new job, or even bothered to get out of bed. She cries a lot though, _

_crying is the only thing she remembers how to do._

_I don't even know her anymore, that spirit she had, it's gone. _

_You know, she is still completely in love with you. _

_I really don't want to bum you out Jude, but I figured,_

_if she is suffering this much, you must be too, I'm afraid I will lose her, she is my baby sister, _

_and I have to protect her the best way I can. _

_So if that requires me begging you to come back to New York City,_

_then that is what I will have to do. _

_You two belong together, no matter what you think. _

_I know when she sees you again, that spark in her will ignite once again. _

_I bet you're thinking how weird it is to hear me saying all these sappy things,_

_but when it comes to Lucy's well being,_

_i'm not going to be the free spirited Max you all know and love, _

_I'm going into overprotective brother mode._

_Keep in touch Jude, you're not very good at that,_

_Max._

Max carefully slided the letter into a plain off white envelope. He took one more look at Lucy, and made his way out the door to his destination, the post office.

I hope you guys liked it! Wait for the next chapter, probably will be out tomorrow! I like this idea!

Read and Review! I need to hear your thoughts!


	2. The Phone Call

**Authors Note-**

_I just saw Across The Universe for the third time tonight! What a delight, and basically the audience wanted to kill me as I clapped during the Jim Sturgess, Evan Rachel Wood, and Joe Anderson credits. LMFAO! Thats just me, OH WELL! _

_I am really excited about this story, I love getting reviews, it gives me the ambition to keep writing, because I know someone is reading and enjoying my work! In this chapter we get to see in Jude's perspective! Enjoy! _

_PS- Again, I have no idea if answering machines were out in the 60's, I think? Maybe not, whatever!_

Lucy's eyes fluttered open and almost immediately she felt an excruciating pain.

She groaned and massaged the temples of her head, another hangover, it was really nothing new at this point.

"Look who is awake." Max entered the room and started to open the window curtains, letting the bright sun peep through the glass.

"Max, what the fuck, close them now." Lucy muttered irritated.

"No, I never thought it could be possible, but your just as pastey as ever, you look like a member of the undead." Max replied shaking his head.

"Where were you anyway?" She asked, beginning to sit up.

"Just taking care of things."

"What kind of things?" Lucy raised her eyebrow in skepticism.

"You know, the kind of things a young, intelligent, sexy guy like me does." Max slightly laughed, as did Lucy.

Max experienced a quick feeling of happiness seeing Lucy laugh, it had been weeks since she even cracked a smile.

Jude wiped the charcoal from his forehead with the back of his hand and sighed out of pure exhaustion. Four months ago he was living in his own apartment, with the girl of his dreams, painting and sketching everyday. He felt freedom in Manhattan, but back in Liverpool he felt unaccomplished and empty.

As he dug a shovel deeper into the ground, his mind wandered and paused on a face he tried awfully hard to forget. The face of that certain girl he thought about every single night. Lucy. He thought about where she was at that very moment, what she was doing, what she was thinking, and if she missed him as much as he missed her. If only he knew how much more she did...

"Just call Lucy, call, call, call, dial his number." Lucy repeated to herself over and over again, she sat with her hand tightly grasping the telephone receiver. She finally mustered up the courage to get in contact with Jude.

She listened to the tone ring on four times, just as she was about to hang up, a hello was muttered from the opposite line.

"Hello?" A woman's voice answered. Lucy's heart sank, it wans't Jude, and it certainly did't sound like his mother.

"Um, is Jude home?" She asked nervously.

"Actually, he just left for work, I can take a message for you though."

"Not to be rude, but may I ask who I am speaking with?"

"Molly." She simply responded.

Lucy definitely recognized that name, Molly was Jude's girlfriend back in Liverpool, actually his ex girlfriend.

"Oh, never mind, It's fine, don't even tell him I called..." Lucy replied stuttering, she quickly hung up the phone, her hands shaking and tears cascading down her fair skin. She knew calling had been a mistake, and hadn't even began to think that Jude could have moved on already, but he did, he had a new girlfriend. At least, that is what she thought.

"Molly, who was that on the tele love?" Martha, Jude's mother asked as she washed the dishes.

"I have no idea, a girl, she was asking for Jude, but she hung up as soon as I said I would take a message." Molly scratched her head in confusion.

"Oh well, thank you for bringing over that sugar honey, I nearly ran out after Christmas, now you go home and take care of that darling little baby boy now." She smiled cheerfully.

"Will do, and you know you can ask for any favor, you were always like a mother to me when Jude and I were an item."

"I'll tell Jude you stopped by."

"No, it's fine, we don't even talk anymore." Molly hugged his mother and waved goodbye as she walked out the door.

"It just wasn't meant to be I guess..." Lucy mumbled to herself crying. Standing in front of her bathtub, she dipped her feet into the steaming hot water, at first wincing from the scolding pain. Soon enough, her body adapted to the temperature and she let herself sink into the whole of the tub.

Leaning over the edge, she grabbed a shiny, metal object, a knife. Lucy stared at the razor sharp point and began to cry harder than she ever had. She thought about how her life had come to this, living and losing love all in an instant, how could she be so naive and stupid? How could she not see that the people she looked upto were just using her, as Jude said. Now she had lost him, he had forgotten about her, and all that they shared, there was nothing, or nobody to live for anymore except Max, and she knew he could make it on his own, well, she hoped he could.

"I love you Jude." Lucy cried as she pressed the cold, metal edge against her warm skin, slicing into her wrist. Slowly the blood began to pour out, turning the clear tap water a shade of light red.

Her eyes began to feel heavy and droop, she felt lightheaded and extremely weak. Then to her surprise to the phone began to ring.

"Pick up Luce, pick up." Jude whispered to himself, tapping his fingers on the desk.

"Hey, you have reached Lucy and Max, we missed your call, but leave your information and a short message after the beep, and well get back to you eventually." Jude let out a long frustrated sigh.

"Lucy, It's Jude. It's been a while since we have spoken, and to be totally honest, I was too afraid and nervous to call you, I wasn't sure if you would still be mad at me, or want to work things out. I wish I could be talking to you face to face right now, or at least not on an answering machine. I am still absolutely crazy about you Luce, I think about you day and night, I never stopped. We have our differences, so what, we can work them out, as long as I have you in my life, then screw everything else. Please, pick up the phone and call me, I need to hear your voice again, or ill go insane. I love you." Jude finished speaking and hung up the phone, waiting close by in case his beloved Lucy decided to call back.

Lucy was starting to fade into unconsciousness, becoming extremely upset by the message she had just heard, she attempted to sit up, she failed miserably. The bleeding hadn't stopped, and her vision was blurring. Along with her legs, her fingers were starting to feel numb too. She had realized that what had done was a huge mistake, killing herself wasn't going to solve anything, and besides, Jude still cared for her, now it was too late, she could hardly move, yet alone call 911.

"Jude, no, I'm here... I'm here..." Lucy mumbled to herself, slowing sinking down into the water, until her body was completely submerged. Everything faded to black, and the last image in her mind was of Jude and her, sitting by the water, her favorite place down by the river, she remembered how he sketched her face beautifully, flawlessly onto the concrete wall. She also remebered the very words he had said to her at that moment.

"I just want to get your eyes right."

_Poor Lucy! What will happen!?! Hmmm, I guess you will have to stay tuned and find out by reading chapter 3, coming out in the next few days, maybe sooner! Review!_


	3. The Hospital

**Authors Note-**

_I'm sick, ( So, don't hate me if this chapter sucks cause I keep screwing up with typos cause I sneeze every 3 seconds, LOL. The song I use in this chapter towards the end is called... "Where do you go to my lovely" By Peter Starstedt. It's a gorgeous song, I think it was released in 68' though, so the time frame between it releasing and Jude and Lucy listening to it is messed up, but oh well, lol. REVIEW!_

Max set his coat down on the couch, and walked into the kitchen to grab a quick bite to eat.

"Lucy, I'm home!" He laughed at his own joke. No answer, complete silence.

"Wake up! Were going out to see Sadie's gig tonight, remember?" He yelled down the hall while his teeth plunged into a Macintosh apple. Max began to walk toward her room and noticed the bathroom door wide open.

"Lucy, you keep the door closed while your taking a---" Max stopped in mid sentence, he frantically ran over to Lucy's lifeless body and carried her in his arms, grabbing a towel to wrap around her bleeding wrist. As soon as the cut was fully covered and had pressure applied to it, he ran over to the telephone and quickly dialed 9-1-1.

"911, what's your emergency?" A lady operator answered.

"It's my sister! She tried to kill herself, and she is unconscious and bleeding a lot! We need an ambulance!" Max screamed frantically.

"Sir, you must calm down and tell us where you are located?"

Once Max had given her all the details, he hung up and ran back to his cold, unconscious baby sister.

"Lucy, no, you can't leave me, you are the only one in this family who gives a shit about me, I love you too much. Please Luce, open up your eyes. "

"We have contacted your parents, they are on their way, right now your sister is having a blood transfusion, she should recover soon after." Doctor Limberzon informed Max.

Max rummaged through his coat pocket and pulled out a piece of crumpled lined paper.

"0515-709-7946" Max whispered to himself, reading directly off the paper.

"Hello? Is Jude home?" He waited anxiously for Jude to come to the phone.

"Hello. Who is this?" Jude's voice rang through the opposite line.

"It's Max, didn't you get my letter Jude?" Max's voice was filled with slight anger.

"What letter? I haven't even had my mailing address forwarded over to Liverpool yet mate." Jude replied dumbfounded.

"I hate having to tell you like this, but Lucy is in the hospital..."

"She's... in the hospital? Max, is she okay? what happened?" Jude began asking question after question, Max could tell he was on the verge of tears.

"She tried to kill herself tonight, the doctor gave her a blood transfusion though, and they think shes is going to make a full recovery."

"Kill herself? That dosn't't sound like Lucy at all, I can't believe... she would do that." Jude stuttered now crying.

"She has been extremely depressed Jude, I should have been there with her, I should have seen this coming, it isn't your fault Jude, it's mine.

"No, don't say that. I'm going to go pack my stuff, I'm coming back to Manhattan tonight." He replied quickly, hanging up the phone.

The past three days had been the longest Lucy and Max had ever experienced, The doctors insisted that she stay the rest of the week in the hospital for routine observation, of course she argued, and insisted that she perfectly fine, but that proved to be wrong when she attempted to walk and fell in the first five seconds.

"Max, I'm bored." Lucy sighed.

"Well, what do you want me to do about that?" He replied looking up from his magazine.

"Can we play a game?"

"What kind of game?" Max asked with dread in his voice, he was a sore loser and he knew it.

"Checkers, I'll always beat your ass." She smirked widely.

"That's because you cheat!" He shouted back defensively.

"I do not!"

"Yes, you always have! Since we were little, you always distracted me in any little way you could, because you take advantage of my gullible ways!" Max pouted jokingly.

"Fine, be a bitch." She laughed.

"I fully, open heartedly, embrace the idea of being a bitch." Max admitted.

At that very moment there was a quiet knock on the door, if Max and Lucy were still arguing they would have never heard it.

"Come in." Lucy spoke. Her eyes widened with complete shock, she could feel the warm tears rolling down her face.

"Jude." That was the only thing Lucy could get herself to say.

"Lucy." Jude replied back, walking over to the side of her bed, kneeling down to her level. He stared into her light blue eyes and felt himself coming apart like thread. She looked so sad, the cheerful, liberated, hopeful girl he once knew had been lost inside this new persona which was silent, sad, and exhausted.

"Never leave me again Jude, I can't go through my life without you by my side, I can't move on, the regret and guiltiness has been eating me alive, I just wanted to feel your arms around me again." Lucy at this point had completely broken down, sobbing, expressing every emotion that had been built up inside of her for the past few months.

"If I knew you wanted me to come back, I would have, i just thought you wanted nothing to do with me after the whole fight we had." He replied truthfully.

"I think I am going to wait outside." Max added awkwardly.

"Come here." Lucy motioned for Jude to come lay next to her. He did exactly as she asked. She slid over to the side so that they could both fit comfortably on the bed, which wasn't going to be easy, considering the bed already felt like stones and needles pricking through your spine.

"I don't want to hurt you." Jude stated hesitantly staring at the IV she was hooked up to.

"You won't." She smiled at him. He carefully positioned himself next to her, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist, and taking her hand into his, their fingers were perfectly laced together.

"I'm so sorry Luce." Jude tried so hard not to break down at that moment, he just couldn't help it, seeing Lucy in the fragile state she was in broke his heart, and hurt even more because he knew it was because of the pain he had caused her.

"Sorry isn't necessary Jude, only this is necessary." Lucy leaned in toward him and planted her soft lips lightly on his, she was too weak to do anything more than that, despite how much she wanted to. Just feeling his hand on her hip again, and his fingers twisting the ends of her hair, fulfilled all her needs.

She started smiling uncontrollably as Jude sang the lyrics of a song that was so dear to her. Jude knew that she loved it considering she spent a good five minutes talking about it on one of their first meetings.

"_When you go on your summer vacation_

_You go to Juan-les-Pines_

_With your carefully designed topless swimsuit_

_You get an even suntan, on your back and on your legs_

_When the snow falls you're found in St. Moritz_

_With the others of the jet-set_

_And you sip your Napoleon Brandy_

_But you never get your lips wet_

_Where do you go to my lovely_

_When you're alone in your bed_

_Tell me the thoughts that surround you_

_I want to look inside your head."_

"I missed that voice." Lucy whispered snuggling closer into his broad shoulders.


	4. Jello Filler Chapter

_**Authors Note- Yes, I am still alive, yet... I was bitten by a killer zombie. This is a filler chapter, EXTREME SHORTNESS. Will update a full chapter tomorrow afternoon loves!**_

"I'm so happy to be home." Lucy sighed, sitting on her bed staring out the window.

"What are you talking about? You know you loved those off white walls, and the lime flavored jellow they made me you eat every five minutes!" Max replied amused.

"I never want to hear the word, Jello again."

"Jello." Max said starting directly at Lucy.

"Jello, Jello, Jello." He continued on. Lucy rolled her eyes and let out an annoyed laugh.

"Max, that staircase is almost as bad as Sadie's." Jude limped into the room, panting and struggling for breaths.

"That was the last of it." He set another suitcase down on the floor.

"Dude, you must have asthma or something because there is only three flights." Max replied.

"Leave him alone Max, get over here Judey." Lucy motioned for Jude to join her on the bed.

"Judey? No, not you too Luce!" He layed across the bed resting his head in Lucy's lap, she took her hands and began to stroke his head, combing her fingers through his long, shaggy chocolate brown hair.

"I'm tired." Lucy rubbed her eyelids and let out a yawn.

"I think we all are, want Max and I to leave so you can get some rest love?"

"No, actually, I was wondering if you want to stay with me, you know, rest together?" Lucy replied with a slight mischevious smile on her lips.

"Oh fuck no, I'm so out of here." Max flared his arms up in the air, and headed for the door. Jude and Lucy laughed as Max had a disturbed expression plastered on his face.

Once Max had made his way out of the apartment, Lucy looked over at Jude and felt a sense of happiness wash over her entire body. A feeling she hadn't remembered for months. Jude lightly placed his hand on top of hers, watching her eyes light up, he leaned in to kiss her sweet rosy lips. She wrapped her arms around his torso and he squeezed her hand tighter, their tounges moved together as if to a rythmic beat.

"Lucy, you are hands down, the most fantastic lover there is." Jude sighed between passionate kisses.

"That is because Jude, you turn me on like no other." Lucy smiled.

Max peeped his head through the door.

"Jude, can I have a word?"

"Right now Max?" Lucy replied irriation clearly in her voice.

"Yes Lucy, right now." Max mumbeled.

Jude kissed Lucy's forehead and closed the bedroom door behind him.

"Mmmm hmmm, what was the need of that mate?" Jude asked crossing his arms against his chest.

"My valium is missing." Max replied with a blank expression. "I think Lucy has them."

"Why would she need those? We are back together Max."

"So I wouldn't be abled to take them." Max stared at the floor beneath his feet. "Jude, I'm addicted to prescription drugs."

_**(HAHAH I have no idea. I just needed to update to verify that I wasn't a corpse six feet under the ground.)**_


	5. Confessions

**Authors Note- Haven't updated in forever, I just threw this chapter together, I hope it isn't TOO bad...)**

Jude stared at the ground beneath his feet, trying to comprehend what Max had just said. Lucy had already been sick, and now Max; his best friend.

"I..uh--" Jude responded running his hand through the messy hair on his head.

"You don't have to say anything, I just needed to tell somebody, you know-- get it off my chest." Max walked over to the kitchen and reached into the wooden cupboard, pulling out a half full bottle of vodka.

"Do you really need that right now mate?" Jude covered the top of the bottle with his palm and looked at Max sympathetically. "This stuff is not going to help anything." He added screwing the lid back on.

Max sighed heavily and rubbed the temples of his forehead, anxiously tapping the heel of his foot against the tiled floor.

"I know you're just trying to help Jude, but don't be a fucking hypocrite." Max replied angrily.

"What are you talking about Max, I'm a fucking hypocrite? How?"

"When Lucy and you weren't on good terms you used to drink yourself into oblivion, somebody would have to carry you into your fucking bed at night!" Max snickered, he swiftly grabbed the bottle of vodka once again and plopped down on the couch.

"That's not fair Max! I wasn't drinking and taking pills! That mix could do you in anyday, I just don't want my best mate to die, alright!" Jude shouted defensively.

"Yeah, whatever." Max sighed not wanting to listen any longer.

"I'll be back later." Jude stated before walking out the door, slamming it behind him.

Listening to the rain slowly trickle down the window, Max thought about things, all sorts of things about his life. Leaning over, he reached underneath the couch, pulling out a torn up, thick journal. This journal was where Max kept all his secrets and thoughts. Lucy had gotten him started on it, he never liked talking about his problems, so she told him to get it out on paper. At first Max thought the idea was fucking idiotic, it seemed like something only a girl would do. Of course that wasn't true, and he realized that, he figured if he were to die at a random moment, somebody could read his journal and solve the mystery of his death or something. Underneath Max knew that wasn't really the reason he wrote, the truth was, he really did like to document his life, go back and read about a moment in the past which he had forgotten.

Max was feeling shitty, and if he couldn't pass out to forget about it, he would write about how shitty he felt.

_December 12, 1967_

_Sometimes I think about how my life would have been without the drugs, would have it been slower, faster, or just as fucking painful. Either way, there's nothing I can do now, I'm hooked. Lucy and Jude are worried about me, I know that, but how I am supposed to explain to them that every time I slip the sharp tip of the syringe into my skin, I get fucking relief. I can feel the morphine run through my veins, up, down and all around my body, until I don't feel anything anymore. There is nothing like it, no other substitute, not even sex, and wow, that is hard to say._

"I know what you do." Max caught glimpse of Lucy standing by the kitchen door, he closed the notebook and sunk further into the couch.

"Excuse me, and what is that I do?" Max replied in a sarcastic tone, even though he was really nervous about what Lucy was thinking.

"The drugs Max, the fucking drugs. I heard everything, the conversation between Jude and you, why couldn't you just tell me? I'm your sister. We always tell each other everything." Lucy replied, tears slowing falling down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry Luce, I just..." Max slowly replied, trying to think of a clear answer. "I didn't want to burden you with all my shit. You have enough problems of your own."

"You never burden me, you're my older brother, and my best friend. I love you, and I'm going to help you get through this." Lucy wrapped her arms around Max's thin body, he was getting weaker by the day. Lucy had never seen Max like this, so vulnerable and fragile, it wasn't like him at all, she wanted the old Max back, her brother.

**(Yeah, it sucked guys, I'm sorry ( )**


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